Identity Crisis
by kigen
Summary: It started out simple enough, find some missing people. But when Yuffie picks up a strange materia, she and Vincent find themselves in a strange situation, and each others bodies. VincentYuffie bodyswapper.


**Identity Crisis**

**Prelude to Disaster**

By: Kigen

I blame Faraway Dawn and Spellspinner Vincent Valentine for this. They've been asking me to write a VincentYuffie fic for a while now. I've been saying no, since I've never played VII and have only watched Advent Children once, when it first came out. But then this little idea for a body swapper came along, and they made me write it. So, in honor of their sitting me down and forcing me to type this out, the fic's dedicated to them.

**Warnings for:** Perverted humor, that this is my first VincentYuffie, that I've never played VII, I'm a master counter flamer, that it's a bit confusing with the switches in body, and that the characters have been kinda, sorta genderbent.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. I've never even played the game. Forgive my errors!

:-:-:-:-:

Yuffie walked into the dark, forbidding cave. Vincent followed a few steps behind, holding the flashlight. As Yuffie skipped along, she looked behind her, a large smile on her face. "Come on Vinnie! Those missing people aren't going to find themselves!"

Vincent rolled his eyes at the girl's youthfulness. "We're not going to find them either if you get lost."

Yuffie smiled, skipping back and leaning up to wrap her arms around Vincent's shoulders. "But if I got lost, you'd find me Vinnie, wouldn't you?" Yuffie fluttered her eyelashes.

Vincent resisted the urge to sigh, detangling himself from his childish girlfriend. "Yes. You'd hardly let me leave you, would you?"

Yuffie shook her head, twining her fingers with Vincent's free hand. "Nope. If I get lost, you better haul ass and find me or I would disown you for ten whole minutes!"

Vincent raised an eyebrow. "Disown me for ten whole minutes?"

"Yep!" Yuffie shook her head ecstatically. "Mean isn't it?"

Vincent resisted the urge to smile. "Absolutely merciless."

Yuffie smiles, abandoning Vincent's hand for hugging his arm to her body as they walked. "I know. Cruel, isn't it?"

"The cruelest."

Yuffie nods, silent for a moment, as they walk through the damp cave. "Sooooo..." Yuffie drawled. "How much longer do we have to search this stupid cave? Cloud and Tifa and them've probably found the people by now."

"We'll go a bit further. If we don't find anyone, then we can leave." Vincent assured her, knowing that Yuffie didn't like dark, cramped places. He only wished she would loosen her hold. He was beginning to loose feeling in his arm. "Until then, would you please release my arm. If blood stops circulating through it, Cerberus will be of no use to us."

Yuffie clung a moment longer before a glint caught her eye. Squealing in delight, she let go of Vincent and scurried to the glint. "Materia!"

Vincent rolled his eyes, before an inscription on the stone the materia rested on caught his eye. "Wait a minute, Yuffie. There's an inscription-"

But of course Yuffie had already taken the materia and equipped it.

:-:-:-:-:

The next thing Vincent was aware of, he was opening his eyes, lying flat on his back. His back was chilled, and he could feel the rocks pressing into his back. His whole body ached. Rubbing his throbbing head, he sat up, and blinked.

Why were his hands so small? And why was he wearing Yuffie's gloves?

Vincent's voice, loud with violent cursing filled the chamber. But Vincent wasn't speaking...

Snapping his head to the side his eyes widened. He blinked, just to clear his vision and to make sure that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.

But no, his body was laying where he had been before the flash of materia light filled his vision. His right hand rubbing his head as obscenities fell from his lips.

But if that was his body...

It couldn't be what he thought it was, it just couldn't. But when he looked down at his chest, which now had two breasts that shouldn't have been there, and less clothing than he liked; there really was no explanation.

"Ow... Fucking... Vinnie! My head hurts." Yuffie whined, looking about for her boyfriend. Her eyes came across her body, looking disgruntled and slightly pained, she tilted her head to the side. "Vinnie, how come you look like me?"

Vincent mentally groaned, wanting to hide his head in his hands. Seeing his body, his head tilted to the side, in a cute, innocent, curious look seemed just so wrong. It was worse when Yuffie started to make the puppy eyes, his body's lower lip jutting out in a pout.

"Vincent? Why do you look like me? I liked it when you looked like you, it was more fun to look at. I mean, I'm not a lesbian, and even if I was, it wouldn't be as fun without you having your-"

"Yuffie, focus for a moment please."

"Okay Vinnie!"

Vincent resisted the urge to smack himself at the now beaming ear to ear grin on his body's face. Vincent Valentine did not grin.

But how had Yuffie not noticed that she wasn't in her own body anymore? One would think that the change in voice; or at least the fact that her body was now covered head to toe in clothing much heavier than her own, or that her hair had suddenly lengthened would have clued her in. But she was still sitting there; in his body; still grinning like she always did.

And seeing that grin coming from his face was starting to creep him out a bit.

"Yuffie, think for a moment. Do you have any idea what that materia did to us?"

"It turned you into a girl and made you look like me." She said happily, nearly bouncing in her seat. On Yuffie's body, it'd be cute like an excited puppy. In Vincent's it made him look like a kinder gardener in need of using the restroom.

"No it didn't Yuffie, it-"

"Yes it did. You look like a girl right now-"

"Yuffie, listen to yourself talk."

Yuffie blinked, Vincent's head titling to the side again. "But I just did."

Vincent resisted the urge to groan. "Listen to my voice Yuffie."

"But Vinnie, I don't see how that'll- oh." she said quietly, the situation becoming clear to her.

"Oh. Oh GAWD!" She shrieked in Vincent's voice. "OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWWWDDDDDD!" she cried.

Vincent mentally winced seeing his body bouncing and his arms waving like a lunatic.

"I'M YOU! YOU'RE ME! OH MY- Ow." she whined, having stood up and accidently tripping while wearing Vincent's pointy boots. "Vinnie!" Vincent's body all but threw itself into the Vincent's lap. Over dramatic tears dripped down Vincent's face; his face, as Yuffie began another hysterical rant.

"Oh my gawd Vinnie! We're stuck in each other's bodies! How are we gonna get back to normal? What if we never get back to normal? What if we're stuck like this forever?" Yuffie gasped loudly. "Idunwannabestucklikethisforever! Ilikemybodyandidunwannabeaguy! I like being a girl Vinnie! Ohmygawd! WhatareCloudandTifaandeveryonegonnasay? Wecan'tletthemfindoutVinnie! It'dbereallyreallyreallybadifwedid! Andwhat'soursexlifegonnabelikenow?" she let out a pained cry, as if the thought burned. "Idunwannabetop! Idon'tknowhowtobetheguy! Ilikebeingthegirlintherelationship! Vinnie!" she grasped her body's shoulders, shaking them. "What are we going to do?"

Vincent took Yuffie's hand's off the body he was inside. His ears were ringing. Who knew that his voice could be so shrill? "Yuffie, calm down. This is probably the work of the materia-"

"The materia!" Vincent groaned as he was again interrupted. "That was just a materia that was lying around! Materia never did anyone any harm! It couldn't have done this. what's the worst Materia could do?"

"Meteor." Vincent muttered in response. Vincent was rewarded with a smack to the head. He grimaced in response. That had hurt a little more than he was used to.

"That's not funny!" she yelled, pouting.

It was entirely wrong to see Vincent's body straddling Yuffie's lap, with Vincent's arms cross and his face set in a childish pout.

"Yuffie, get off me. We'll figure this out in a moment. Now, what did you do when you equipped the materia?"

"I just equipped it." she said. "Then there was this big, pretty flash of light, then I woke up in your body, and my head hurt." she nodded, remembering the events.

Vincent nodded. That was nothing different than what he remembered. Maybe the inscription he saw would tell them what they needed to know?

"Yuffie?"

"Yes Vinnie?"

"Please get off of me."

"Oh. Okay Vinnie!" Yuffie bounced up with glee; Vincent Valentine should never bounce.

Vincent stood up, wanting to squirm from the breeze that assaulted his now bare skin. Walking over to the platform, he read the inscription.

"Here rests the Impersonation materia, which allows the user to switch bodies with the closest higher life form. This change can only be reversed with the Return materia..." Vincent trailed off, wanting to groan.

Oh great. Just great.

:-:-:-:-:

Yeah, again, all forgiveness if there are any mistakes. Next chapter will be up whenever Faraway Dawn and Spellspinner Vincent Valentine force it out of me.

Thanks for reading, please review.

Ja min'na-san!


End file.
